Seems like I only write here when I’ve got something I need to work out. Oh well, at least I do write a bit.

So at some point in time over the past couple of weeks, my mother in law unfriended me over in FB land. To me, this is just the final nail in the coffin of our relationship. And how relieving it is!

This has been a long time coming, I think. I’ve been waiting for something like this for the past 6 months or so, and kind of been thinking it would happen for even a year before that. I really did hope that the whole blow up between her and her husband and all of the fallout from that would help her realize what an unrealistic expectation she had of people. I knew it would take time, and I was willing to be patient and simply unfollow her for the time being. Basically, I didn’t want to do the “cut and run” thing, because I didn’t believe it would help anything. I don’t know if anything, short of succumbing to her every whim, would have helped. And that is certainly not an acceptable solution.

I have a lot of feelings right now. One is relief. I wasn’t the one to pull the trigger, so it’s not my fault. Another is a bit of anxiety. Like I’m writing about her, is she writing about me? What does she have to say? I’m tremendously curious to know what she REALLY thinks, because I know if it was anything bad, she wouldn’t say it to my face. I guess curiousity, as well. And of course, I’m concerned about what’s going on with my father in law as well. He stopped over last weekend, and from what I got from hubs, he was saying she’s gone even more loco than she was before.

Also, I’m feeling a bit morally superior right now, whether that’s right or wrong. I tried. Really. But it was just so difficult for so long, that I got tired and gave up. But I didn’t call it quits. I was willing to give her time and space. And maybe I should have reached out to check in and see how things were going. So perhaps I should lose a rung or two for that. But… Look, I had to think about my mental health, and she was causing it to suffer severely. I shouldn’t feel bad about that, right?

And regardless of whatever I’m feeling, I’m talking to some friends right now and they’re making me laugh. So it’s not the end of the world. The sun will rise tomorrow, and I will go about my life pretty much the same as I have the past few months. And that’s ok.


Mother’s Day

I wasn’t sure what to expect out of mother’s day this year. I mean, it’s always a bit weird for me, but usually nothing too crazy. A bit of anxiety, a bit of jealousy, and then we’re done.

Last year was the first year in a while that I had many strong feelings about the holiday. And, it looks like that was a one-off.

This year there was a bit of jealousy. Some of those PostSecret posts got to me. There was a bit of anxiety, as I wonder if this is finally the day I will be confronted by one or both of the in-laws.

But I think what happened was that last year, I sensed what was coming between us. Some kind of sixth sense, a gut feeling, however you want to put it. And this year, now that things are more out in the open, it’s not so bad. (As I was typing that, I heard a car pulling up and about had a heart attack thinking that confrontation was coming. Nope. Neighbors. So, maybe what I just typed wasn’t entirely accurate…)

Either way, I’m feeling much more blasé this year, which is a welcome feeling.


Warning: Real talk inc.

Monday morning I came into work and found out one of my coworkers, M, lost his nephew in a car accident over the weekend. Just a kid, 20 years old, car vs tree. Could have happened to anybody.

I was not prepared for (1) how this would effect my coworker, and (2) how knowledge of this kid’s death, and knowledge of how it was affecting M, would in turn effect me.

Someone said, “it’s just M’s nephew, it’s not like it was someone closer.” And while I get that, I think it was an incredibly (unconsciously, perhaps) judgemental thing to say. It doesn’t matter what the relation was, what matters is that he was hurting.

I got talked into going to the funeral today. I wasn’t going to go, I didn’t know the kid. But the way it was explained to me, and what I really understood when I was there, was that it wasn’t about our (non-existent) relationship to the deceased. We were there to show support and compassion for those who were mourning their loss.

I’ve been to 5 funerals so far in my life. This was my first one as a real adult, and the first one that I didn’t know the deceased. I think that’s why I didn’t understand the support thing until today. I’ve always been a mourner.

But the text we received from M… This is why I’m glad I went. “You guys are awesome! You really are. Thank you with all my heart. I mean it!”

Yes, today was extremely difficult for me. I went through such a range of emotions in only a couple hours. Scared of going, nervous anticipation, anxiety from all the people, sadness and happiness from hearing people speak, anxiety about what to say to the family, the release of finally leaving… And then the rest of the day to process everything that happened. But I would go through it all again if it helps someone feel even a little bit better during this difficult time.

Because I really don’t know what they’re going through. Any of the family. His parents, his siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents… The friends, I have an inkling. I went through that. But to know someone since they were born, to watch literally their entire life, 20 years, and then they’re gone… Kids aren’t supposed to die first, and I finally have just the beginnings of an idea why that is so hard.

I’ll never understand completely what that is like, I don’t think. I’m planning on remaining childless. Neither of us have siblings. And my friends my own age, they aren’t having kids, or at least aren’t planning on it, so I doubt I’d be a surrogate aunt. I get why it’s sad, but I don’t think I’ll truly understand it. Most people shouldn’t.

I talked a lot about this in therapy today. And I talked about how I don’t remember hardly anything of my mother’s funeral, or my grandparent’s. And what a different perspective I have now on the whole business…

I can’t imagine any of the family will be even close to ok for a very long time. But I do hope today was helpful for them. The memories people shared were really moving. I know they touched a lot of other people, too.

My thoughts go out to them. Please send yours along, too.

Women in SciFi

Recently, my husband and I have been watching The X-Files, and have switched over to Stargate: Atlantis. Some of the early X-Files were great, mostly stuff before season 5. The later seasons got kinda… meh… and the new stuff? Doing the same stuff the last few seasons did, injecting humor and cheap jokes where there doesn’t need to be. But I digress…

One of the things that bothered me about The X-Files, despite it being a looooong running plot point, is Dana Scully as a Mother. In the cult-favorite show “Home”, Mulder even says, “I never pictured you as a mother.” (or something to that effect) And it felt like that was a big turning point in how we, the audience, was supposed to see Scully. Not this relatively young FBI agent looking to prove herself. Not a scientist who was supposed to look only at the facts. Not a doctor who could analyze the apparently supernatural and explain it in terms of physical or mental causes. A potential mother.

Another point that started to bug me later on was the whole Mulder-Scully relationship. Working and personal. Their working relationship was almost always the male-dominated type, with Mulder’s off-the-wall theories and speculations taking a front seat, and Scully having to provide mountains of evidence to the contrary. And Mulder STILL believing his “gut” instinct a huge percentage of the time. Never mind that she was so much smarter in so many areas, he ran off chasing hunches leaving her to play damage control. (And the personal bit? Well… seriously, can’t guys and girls ever just be friends??? Why is it always about sex?)

Anyway… as the series started to deteriorate in our eyes, we decided to try out Stargate: Atlantis. I wasn’t sure how I’d take to it, as I really, really did not like Dr. McKay in SG-1. He was so *arrogant* and hated that Dr. Carter (Major Carter? Dr. Major? I don’t know how these titles work…) might actually be as smart or smarter than him. But, 2 1/2 seasons in, I actually like his character. WTF?

Husband mentioned this today, and it really got me thinking. He said he really like McKay better than Carter, because he was a much more believable character. His role just seemed more authentic. So… queue pondering.

I think Carter’s character is authentic. I think the difference is that the personality of McKay is much more visible and known than Carter’s. Confident to the point of arrogant, white male. Knows he’s smarter than everyone in the room, and isn’t afraid to tell everybody why he’s right and they’re wrong. If they tried to write Carter’s character like that? She’d be called bossy or a bitch. They had to write her more like a typical female, even if she was frequently the smartest person in the room. Not as confident, needing to justify herself more, asking instead of telling, her abilities being questioned…

[Side note: I think how the handled Carter & O’Neill was much better than Mulder & Scully. They knew they couldn’t be together, so they weren’t. It sucked and it hurt, but they knew better. I think that’s more realistic. Of course, I’m not in life-or-death situations with other people, so maybe that changes things…]

Do I like Carter? Yes, a ton, I loved seeing a female on screen that was not only a lead scientist, but with the strength that comes through being in the military. I’m torn on whether or not I like how they wrote her. Is she believable? As a fellow female who once aspired to be a scientist, yes, I think so. Is she a good role model? For the current societal conditions, yeah. Could they have been more forward thinking, and made her more confident and out-spoken? Written her as what could be instead of what is? Oh yeah.

But I guess I’m not going to complain too much. At least women are making in on screen in roles that ARE believable, and ARE things that we can all aspire to. Even if it’s showing us how things are, the struggles that women do face today, at least we aren’t hiding these things. At least the women aren’t just there for eye-candy (although they usually are all depressingly in-shape and pretty…) and they’re showing that women CAN do these things. We CAN be confident, we CAN be heard, we CAN be taken seriously.

One step at a time…


Almost 30, and where am I?

How did I get here? And where is here?

I lost my mom when I was 8.

I emotionally lost my father not longer after.

I had my first kiss at the ripe old age of 17.

I went away to college to try to do something with my life.

I tried to be a musician, a physicist, and now I’m in accounting.

I got married.

I’ve had 2 best friends drift away, and 2 that ties got cut with.

I moved to another state.

I cut my father out of my life. For good.

My in-laws have chosen not to be a part of my life.

This is all a part of who I am. I’m not ashamed of any of it. It isn’t a secret. Some of these things I used to keep hidden. Not anymore. No more hiding.

I’m not going to live in the past and long for how things used to be. I’m going to embrace change, and learn to be the most authentic version of myself that I can be.

Happy fuckin’ New Year

Well. This year is off to a great start.

Get into work. Turns out the boiler had a catastrophic failure in the middle of the night. So it was coooooooold as balls. Ok, maybe not. But it was probably 60F!

Got in around 7:30. Didn’t actually do anything for about an hour, because people kept coming to me with questions! Yay.

Get a text from hubs. Changing garage door code. Don’t talk to his parents. Uhhh. K???

On conference call. Get text-barrage from hubs explaining a bit more. Frantic attempt at multi-tasking failure. Cue hiding in the downstairs breakroom and break down crying for about 5 minutes.

Cue snow. And wind. Looooots of wind. Not helping being cold, as I sit next to a poorly insulated window. (Non-localized phenomena, all the windows are poorly insulated.)

Read the news. Find 75+ car accident on the thruway. Luckily, not on my way home, but close enough to my way home to cause higher than normal traffic. Fuuuuu-

Get home. Find scathing fb comment. Try really, really, REALLY hard not to be a complete and utter asshole. Mostly succeed.

(And because that last one really pissed me off, I’m going to rant about it for a bit.)

So I put a post up a couple days ago, sharing a blog posted called Hate To Break It To You But You Are The Reason Your Life Sucks So Much because it was relateable. MiL apparently decided that I was, like, sub-text posting about her, or our relationship, or something… because she. went. off. This huge tirade, that kinda sounded like she was trying to call me out for being a hypocrit, but maybe not. I’m not really sure. But she turned the whole thing into “you’re trying to be a better person ha ha you aren’t but maybe if you try harder I’ll actually talk to you” or some bullshit like that. Bitch, it wasn’t about you. In this context, I don’t give a damn what you think about me, I care that *I* feel like I’m not being a total shit to other people. I’m working towards what helps me sleep at night, and making sure I don’t get caught in a “woe is me” spiral like I have before.

Luckily, a friend posted a reply to MiL stating her opinion, and messaged me about it. Which was very kind of her, and made me realize that we have more in common than I thought. So that was nice 🙂

Oh, another scathing comment, along the lines of “PS it’s rude not to thank someone for presents” and I had to try REALLY REALLY hard not to reply, “Oh my bad. Thank you for the unthoughtful gifts and spelling my name right on all of them this year.”

Cue hubs getting home, and we go over in more detail what happened. Basically… he went out of his way to make sure I felt safe in my own home, and when he tried to explain this to FiL, literally got a reply that said “Fuck [Tamishu]”. Well. Fine. Fuck you, too.

Ok, I get it. You’re mad at yourself, at the world, at your spouse. But don’t get mad at me when I didn’t do anything. Figure out why you’re angry and work towards solving it.

Or you know what? Sure, be angry at me all you want, but don’t take it out on me. Be upset that I didn’t do something you expected. Be mad that I value my privacy. Be frustrated that I won’t cave and not stand my ground. But these are MY choices, that you don’t get to control.

You don’t like those? That’s fine. You don’t have to. But, and this goes back to what started at least part of this, I’m gonna do what helps me sleep at night.

Ending 2017

Ugh. What a freaking month. On top of a freaking year.

The big thing weighing on my mind, still, is the whole disastrophe with the in-laws. Their whole shit-show, plus how they’re treating me & hubs. And I’ve talked about this with a few people, therapist included. But there’s still something that needs to get out, I’m just not sure what.

So here I am…

Christmas Day, FiL came over for a bit in the morning. He not only dropped off presents (we’ll get to those in a bit) but we all sat down and talked for a while. And it was a good talk. I was worried at first. I had no idea what kind of interaction to prepare for, what kind of conversation might be had… But it turned out that F had gotten some time-distance from the situation, and had reevaluated some things that were said. (This is in reference to a conversation via text a few weeks ago that… was very passionate and emotional, with tempers running hot and people on both sides just looking to hurt the other person.) Which. Whew. I saw the potential for this to go horribly, and I’m so thankful that it didn’t.

Anyway. F brought up some specific concerns about M. Oh, and I did find out some more specifics. Whatever kind of affair F may have been having was not physical. He found someone who just happened to be a woman that he could talk to. He mentioned that him & M had basically stopped talking about anything less trivial than the weather for possibly up to two years. Talking to someone and being able to share powerful & emotional thoughts… that’s really important. I think that’s easily in the top 5 most important things in a relationship. Losing that communication with the person who is supposed to support you throughout the best and the worst times of your life, your high points and your low points, help drag you out of the slumps and share the ecstasy of the highs… That sucks. And you try to fill that void. I get it. And, obviously I don’t know everything about their relationship, but from the way I’ve seen M treat F… I can’t say as I blame him for shutting down and looking for satisfaction elsewhere. I really can’t. I’m not going to condone it, but I can’t find much fault in it. If that makes sense.

F also talked a bit about how he was starting to find out how deep the rabbit hole of M’s fantasy world goes. See, she’s got this idea in her head of what family is supposed to be. And no matter how hard she clings to the perfect ideal of family, no matter how many times she is proven wrong, it’s still only that: an ideal. But… I don’t think she understands that it is a fantasy. I think she really expects that everybody who is related by blood is going to care about everybody else, and always look out for each other, and be supportive and like each other. Part of the reason I think she mistakes this fantasy for reality is that she constantly repeats it. And that she is constantly disappointed. (I have a fantasy where I’m actually an amazing singer, and I run into a world-famous band, and they like me so much that I pack up shop and go sing with them. Am I disappointed every time I don’t meet them accidentally? No. That’s because I understand the difference between fantasy and reality.) Every holiday she tries to get people together, some type of drama happens, or something falls through, and she gets upset that it isn’t perfect.

So something that F said he did, when she tried to make this argument about family sticking by each other, using it as a defense for why H should call her, was he started listing off family members that recently had health problems. And he asked her if she had called any of them or stopped in to see any of them. And? She hadn’t. So why is it every body else’s fault that family isn’t perfect, except hers? Especially when she should hold at least equal blame. I think this is something F has known for some time, but hasn’t ever really put in to words, out loud to himself or to her.

He also said M has been reading his emails. Being the tech-savvy millenials that we are, we both had a VERY strong reaction to hearing this. While he didn’t see the harm in it, outside the obvious invasion of privacy, we put it to him like this: All it takes is someone with an ambiguous name to send you something off-color or inappropriate, and have it get taken out of context. Heaven forbid she actually lose it and hit the “reply” button and take action on it, I didn’t even want to think about that, though I should have. So we told him to change all the passwords on all of his accounts, ASAP. She’s already snooping, what’s to stop her from going beyond email.

So now that I’ve been a mature adult, I’d like to take some time to complain about my stupid Christmas presents. I get it. It’s just stuff. I don’t know why it bothers me as much as it does. No matter how many times I tell myself to let shit like this go, I still find it difficult. (And don’t give me the whole “it’s the thought that counts” bullshit. There obviously was no thought, that’s the problem.)

This year, H got a bunch of new Under Armor clothing. Shirts, shorts, a hoodie. Which, ok, he likes wearing a specific type of shirt they make because they make it in a tall version, and their shirts are actually made to fit a frame, not just get progressively bigger all around with larger sizes.

What did I get? A penguin jar, a light up christmas penguin decoration, some gigantic penguin earrings (that I’ll likely never wear because they are so big), a few pairs of kids socks (which, you know, won’t fit me because they’re for kids), a cookie cutter, and a Yankee Candle Scenterpiece wax warmer thing, which I’m actually excited about.

So, she called H to specifically ask him what he wanted. But she just picked up a bunch of random things with penguins on it because I like penguins. Like… why even bother.

I guess because I’ve had such shitty Christmases growing up. I dunno. I feel so ridiculous complaining about gifts. I mean, at least I got stuff, right? And it’s just stuff. It’s not like it should matter.

I think… I think maybe this goes back to feeling like people don’t listen to me. So, growing up, once I got to a certain age, probably pre-teen years, I started making a list of stuff I wanted for Christmas / my birthday. So I put stuff I REALLY WANTED on my list. Like books, DVDs, CDs… And, while I didn’t expect to get everything on my list, I tried to put enough stuff down so I wouldn’t get all books, or something like that. You know, mix it up a bit. Well, there were things I put down multiple years in a row, indicating that I REALLY REALLY wanted them. And I never got them. Instead I got things like clothing I didn’t like that didn’t fit, cheap candy that didn’t taste good, and dollar store stocking stuffers. I mean, I would still get a couple things from my list, but obviously not ever what I really wanted. (In case anyone is wondering, I REALLY REALLY wanted all 5 seasons of Babylon 5 on DVD. You know, not all at once, of course, maybe 1 season per year…)

Anyway. I did joke with my husband that at least she spelled my name right this year. No, I’m not kidding. On at least 1 present, my name was spelled wrong last year. Thanks, you’ve only known me for 10 years, but you still can’t get my fucking name right.

So yeah. Here I am, New Year’s Eve Eve. Mildly hoping that the new year will bring better things, but not really holding my breath. Mostly just hoping that whatever storm swings in my general direction, I can dodge.

Somebody that I used to know

It’s been a weird day for reminiscing.

I spent some time hanging out with a coworker while procrastinating on working. Bad, I know. But hey, it was a busy day and my patience was running low. We ended up talking about small towns, and running into people that we used to know, which turned into high school reunions.

A big part of the reason I did not go to my 10 year high school reunion is specifically because there are certain people that I don’t ever want to see again. Unfortunately, most of those people were part of my core friend group throughout high school. And so I was afraid of them either wanting to play nice and talk to me, or them not realizing what an effect they had on me and how much I’ve changed since I knew them.

One of those friends I will call R.

R and I were best friends for a few years. We were SO NOT FRIENDS when we first met, in fact, I treated her like an enemy and a threat. See, we both played bassoon, and because we were the only two who played starting in sophomore year, we were both in the highest level band together. But I had been playing for a whole two years more than her, plus I had a private instructor. So I was TOTALLY BETTER and how dare she encroach on my territory. Yeah… That’s all me. I admit it. I was a bitch because I felt threatened by … Something obscure that I had picked up that was mine and mine alone, that I defined myself by, and all of a sudden, here was this other person trying to rip that specialness away.

Anyway. I eventually got over that and opened up to R. Because the friend group I joined at the end of my freshman year, she was a part of. So through various iterations of us being forced together, we eventually bonded.

Fast forward to college. I “go away” to college. That is, I go to a college 45 minutes away and chose to live on campus.So, it’s not a terrible drive home. But not one I wanted to make every single weekend, for various reasons. Including that hey, I’m at college! College life! New people and things to experience! I saw so many of my friends stay local and live at home, and I wanted to adventure out into the world. Though, it was a relatively controlled and not drastic adventure. It was my first one, and I didn’t want to miss out on things. (What things? I dunno. But things!)

I was cruising through my “On this day” thing on FB, and amazingly, on this day, many years ago, I found not one but TWO examples of exactly why R and I ultimately drifted apart. Or rather, why I drifted away from R and just stopped trying to be her friend.

The first was 8 years ago. I made a post that said “[college] can die in a fire”. Ok… not sure what that was in reference to, but it was made at the end of the first semester of my final year. So I’m assuming it was something finals related or possibly independent study related. Anyway. Some comments follow… including one from R: “I agree bc then u could come home!” No sympathy for my situation, whatever it was. Just… She tried to take my problem and make it something positive for HER. My post. About me. She wanted to make about her. Like she was the center of the universe or something.

The second was 11 years ago, the first year I was at college. She left the following post on my wall: “hey you pain in the butt what… you cant leave me any messages anymore? our last conversation really didn’t accomplish much other than directions… when are you coming home?” Again… all about ME visiting HER. And “coming home”. This “coming home” thing is particularly bothersome. I didn’t want to “come home”. That… that was no longer home for me. Even then, I think I was set on not sticking around my home town for forever. I wanted to go somewhere else. Not sure where, but… I didn’t want that to continue to be “home.”

So, ultimately it was this incredibly self-centered attitude that just really got to me. In the four years I was away at college, I don’t think she visited me once. I went back a handful of times, but by junior year, I was really trying to make a life for myself around / at college. I had gotten an on-campus apartment, I got a job up there so I could continue to work through the school year (because tuition is expensive, folks). I had changed my major my sophomore year, so I was on overload for the last 2 years trying to complete coursework that was designed to take 3-4 years. And I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do after college… Masters? Job?

My new best friend, K, ended up changing colleges and majors, so we didn’t get to see each other much after that. But she still made time to come up and visit me once or twice during that time. And we’re still best friends now. In fact, she’s coming to see me in a couple weeks! I’m excited!

I don’t know if R has changed in the past few years since I’ve spoken to her. Part of me wants to give her the benefit of the doubt. But a much bigger part of me is convinced that she is one of those people that will never change, and we’ll just end up in the same cycle. At some point, I had stopped reaching out to her. Texting, facebook, whatever… I just… stopped. And she never, not once, said a thing to me about it.

I remember a few years ago, I was feeling nostalgic, and reached out to her then-fiancee, (who was her high school love and a terrible boyfriend but whatever) and said that I kinda miss her. He said she missed me, too. So I refriended her. And… I don’t remember what happened. But, I feel like it was the same old, same old, and I ended up unfriending her shortly afterwards. And once again, absolutely nothing.

I have one friend, we’ve been friends online for a number of years now, 4 or 5 years ago, I noticed I had stopped seeing her post on FB. I then realized she unfriended me, so I checked her blog… Turned out she took something I said really badly, it was not how I meant it to come out, but… there you go. But I really valued her friendship, so I ended up emailing her about it. And I ended up blathering about that, about how it hurt, and I didn’t mean to offend her, and I wish she had said something… really emotional stuff. And she responded. And we talked about it. And she ended up re-friending me, and we’re still casual friends today.

So… did R just never realize? Not care? Where was the outreach from her? Did she not realize that I was so, so tired of always being the one to make an effort? Should I have told her that? Would it have helped if I had?

This summer, K & her husband had a big house-warming / birthday party, and invited about a bazillion people over. Me & hubs went. And… shortly before we went… I saw that R had responded to the FB event, saying she was coming. And I kinda panicked. But I really wanted to go to see K and catch up a bit. So we went anyway. And pretty much as soon as R showed up, I told my husband we should go. Because I really didn’t want to see her. Well, I ended up running into her on my way to find K to say goodbye. And she was all “oh my god I haven’t seen you in forever!” And it started to sound like she wanted to talk and reminisce and pretend nothing was wrong… But I dodged out of that saying I had to leave, hubs had to work early, blah blah….

And yeah. It’s like she doesn’t realize how badly she fucked up. I’m done being the one to reach out. I’m not going to do it again. It’s too stressful. So… sorry, R, but, well… I’m not really that sorry. It’s not me, it’s you.

Frikkin holidays, man…

So… ok. This has been a weird couple of days. Day? Shit, it’s been just over 24 hours, so yeah, day, really.

Yesterday I get home. Hop in the shower. Kinda hear my husband talking on the phone, sounds like he’s talking to someone from work. Get out, get dressed, get told, “Wow has today been a day!” K…? What’s up?

He’s stressing because they found out today two of their employees are quitting. One, I don’t know why. The other “needed a change” and that change just happens to be going to work for their only direct competitor in their market. Great. Oh, also, his parents might be getting a divorce. …

Uh, what?

Yeah. About that…

Right up front, I don’t know the whole story. I don’t even think I know *half* the story, so I think I’m gonna try to talk to his dad tomorrow. Initial reaction is MiL is blowing this out of proportion, but… after thinking about it a bit, something maybe doesn’t quite add up.

What do I know? Apparently FiL was out to dinner Saturday (??) night. Possibly Sunday. This is where it’s fuzzy, because the day DOES make a difference. See… he works out of state, and he was home Friday night, and mentioned something about breakfast on Sunday, so I think that means he would’ve been here Saturday, but probably back where he’s working on Sunday. Anyway. He’s out to dinner. He pocket-dials MiL. And she overhears… something… Apparently he was out with someone of the female gender. And this has culminated in her believing he is having an affair.

Initially, I thought that dude, he has every justification to going out with clients / contractors / coworkers / whoever. I mean, he’s not at home, and part of his job is going to be talking over dinners. That’s just how it is. So she’s blowing this way out of proportion.

But this is where the importance of the day comes in. Because if it was SUNDAY, a day when he would be out of state and possibly working again, it makes a lot more sense. But if it was SATURDAY, and he was here, and presumably she thought he was not at dinner with a woman, well… That looks a little more suspicious.

The other reason I thought she might be overreacting is something that happened a few years ago, now… FiL was working up in ME at the time, and the three of us went to spend a weekend with him. Well MiL woke up early and went to get on his computer to play games or whatever, and found “things that she didn’t like.” Err… ok, what, the guy living hundreds of miles from home has porn in his browser history? Whatever. Ew, but whatever. No, after talking to him, it wasn’t porn. He had bookmarked some website about bodybuilding that he wanted to go back to later and read. Dunno if it was just about female bodybuilding, or bodybuilding in general and there happened to be pictures of guys AND girls. Don’t really care.

But look. We all look up weird stuff on the internet. I’ve looked up poisons, lethal injection, laws of robotics, about self-driving cars, physics, mathematics, orgasms, all kinds of drugs, legal and illegal, gun death statistics… and that’s just the slightly weirder things that first pop into my head. There’s a REASON everybody laughs a little too hard at the impersonation medical alert bracelet that says “delete my browser history.”


So hubs gives me a brief run down. I ask a couple questions, he has few answers, because he says he doesn’t want to get involved in it. Fair enough. I don’t really want to either. I don’t want to be on a “side” or be accused of it or whatever. But I am curious by nature…

So I go to the FB.

Where I find a post saying “Christmas is cancelled due to unforseen circumstances” or some bullshit like that.

Let me explain this real quick.

MiL has a big, extended family. 5 brothers, with all kinds of nieces, nephews, cousins, etc. So what we normally do is have a small, close family celebration on Christmas Eve, where she makes dinner and we exchange presents. THEN on Christmas Day she does a big “open house” and makes enough food to feed 3x the number of people that show up, which is already an insane number, and invites anybody and everybody to stop in and say hi and stay for a few minutes or a few hours or whatever.

CHRISTMAS DAY is what she said was cancelled on her post.

Ok… well, I have mixed feelings about this. Because yay, I don’t have to go and feel awkward around people! Boo because hey, free food.

But whatever. Her call. I think her posting like that is kinda shitty, because it just screams “pay attention to me.” Which… I’m not a fan of. Regardless.

Tonight, hubs & I are hanging out. I’m playing with my early Christmas present (electric kettle! ooooooo) He says something like, “by the way, just ignore that text message.” Uh… k? What text message?

Turns out MiL sent a text to me, him, one of our mutual friends, and a number I’m assuming is mutual friend’s kid, since we’re the normal Christmas Eve crowd. What does the text say? “In light of current issues, I will not be celebrating the holidays. There will be no Christmas Eve dinner nor Christmas Day.”


At this point I’m ready to say fuck it! Hubs can invite his coworkers over, I can invite my coworkers over, and we can have our own Christmas dinner. Cause I feel like that’ll be wayyyyy less stressful.