Father’s Day

I wasn’t quite sure what to expect out of Father’s Day this year. I mean, Mother’s Day was… The writer in me wants to say “quite traumatic” but that’s a bit misleading. It was more revelatory, I guess. I’m still working through what some of it means. So, like I said, not really sure what to expect out of this day.

Surprisingly, it doesn’t bother me near as much. Seriously. Mother’s Day, especially this year, really rubbed something the wrong way. It’s been a weird holiday for me for most of what I can remember, what with my mom passing when I was 8. Teachers would have little projects for us to do for various holidays, so I learned to substitute people in for “mother”. Like, my father, my aunt, or my grandma. Best intentions and all, I’m sure, but a bit weird for me. A few years ago, I remember really starting to see people talking about others who may have a hard time on Mother’s Day. People without mothers, with absent mothers, who wish they could be mothers, etc. And I thought that was pretty nice. But I dunno, this year I was just overcome with all this frustration at basically anybody who dared mention the holiday.

My mom died. That was something completely out of my control. My father, on the other hand, I willingly don’t talk to him. I haven’t spoken to him in almost 6 years.

So this year, what with the insanity that this past year has been, I figured I might have some different emotions this year. Guilt, regret, longing. Heck, maybe even frustration and jealousy of other people’s happiness.

What do I have?

Desire to tell the people that were more father-figures to me than mine ever was just how important they were to me.

Enjoyment at other people’s cute pictures on phaseborg.

Exactly zero feelings one way or the other about my own father.

“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”

The bonds we make by choice are stronger than that which we are born with.

Free will at it’s best.

Happy day.

Advertisements

Writers confessions, Part 2

I’m on a roll, and I want to keep going, but I figure I should really break these up instead of having 1 ginormous post…

DA4GOOZVoAEJnUp

MC Chronicles — I will make these about my current WIP, which is still unnamed. It’ll come to me eventually. I’d rather get the content down than worry over a title.

11) MCs name? My MC is named Charyl (no last name yet, if ever…) No real deeper meaning. I somehow came up with it for my Skyrim character, and I like it. (It’s better than my MMO chars, which are usually Tamishu/Tamichu.)

12) New protag? Probably her best friend, Halyna.

13) Gender swap MC? Well. It would be a bit weirder for me, as that would make it my first gay character. Because yes, a secondary plot line in this story is Charyl’s relationship with her mentor, and yes, it is a very confusing relationship on both sides. I’m still trying to decide how much of what should be part of it.

14) MC favorite character? I mean… I don’t hate her. She’s cool. But I think her mentor is probably my favorite.

15) Who sees MC as the villain? Probably the REAL villain of the story! Which is a bad box to put the poor guy in, but honestly, he’s just a good excuse for (1) Charyl to discover nepotism and corruption, (2) have a traumatic incident to push her closer to her mentor, and (3) be the bad guy for how Halyna sees Charyl’s problems.

16) What makes MC worth reading about? She’s smart, and not afraid to flaunt it. But she’s also not afraid to admit when she doesn’t know something (at least academically speaking). But for all her intellectual abilities, her personal life is a bit of a wreck, and she’s trying to stumble through it the best that she can, and I think that makes her relatable.

17) Death of most important person to MC? I think it’s a toss up at this point whether or not she would go on the warpath or just shut down completely. I mean, it’s definitely the proverbial straw, it’s just, which way does the camel’s back break? And where it’s undecided now, I have planned out for her to make some pretty tough decisions, so I’m leaning more towards down the warpath.

Writers confessions, Part 1

DA4GOOZVoAEJnUp

I found this fun thing on Twitter. I think you’re supposed to answer each question in a single tweet, and just tweetstorm the whole frakkin’ thing, but… that’s a lot of effort. So, as a fan of list-posts all the way back to my Xanga / MySpace days, I’ll answer these here…! Or, at least the first half. These are getting a bit lengthy…

  1. How old? I mean… I remember writing short stories when I was 6? 7? And by short I mean, like, a handful of sentences. Kid stories, yaknow? So, pretty much the literal definition of “as long as I can remember.” But I didn’t really take writing seriously until sometime in high school, maybe 14 or 15. And even then it was off and on, and I’m just in an “on again” phase.
  2. First story? I’m pretty sure it was either a ghost story or a princess story. I also remember writing some crazy thing about a cat eating the solar system for school… My first “real” story though was probably a lame MS&T knock-off. Sorry, Tad! :S
  3. First motivation? Hmm, this is a tough one. What I feel now, and what I’ve felt for a number of years, is that sometimes I’ll just get ideas stuck in my head, and they’ll turn and tumble around and grow and shape themselves, until finally there is too much of them to stay neat & compact (relatively speaking) inside my head, and I have to set them down on paper (or .. word processor.) It’s only recently that I’ve really stopped to reflect on my normally analytical mind (I work in accounting, I majored in physics, you see where this is going) finding just desire and joy in doing creative things like writing.
  4. If I had to stop writing? Bleh! Probably die or explode. No, really, I would probably have a mental explosion. There is something incredibly therapeutic about writing. I mean, I recently started keeping a journal again, and that has been incredibly helpful. I think it’s the logical part of my mind asserting itself. If I’m just thinking about things, my ideas stay rather loft and unformed. But by writing them down, I’m forcing them into a structure and to have cohesion.
  5. Most active WIPs? Uh. Like… 1. Maybe 2. I’ve found I’m not particularly good about hopping between WIPs.
  6. New genre! Can I go for the generic “literature”? I guess I’ve never written a pure horror work before, I could try that.
  7. Weirdest search? Definitely looking up information about how lethal injections are performed. What’s the general procedure. What types of drugs are used. About how long the whole thing takes. The whole story was pretty much flashbacks. A snippet in the present, when the execution is occurring, and the significant other reflecting on “how did we get here?”
  8. Backups??? I mean, technically all my work is on an external HD, so if my main computer fails, that’s still safe. But yes, I do have a backup of that as of a few months ago. Which reminds me, I should really do that again…
  9. Missed anything b/c of writing? No, not terribly. I am frequently back from lunch 5-10 minutes late because I’ll be in the middle of writing out an idea, and not want to stop / lose it.
  10. Weird place to write? Well… I did some character-building while I was on a conference call a month or so ago. ūüėÄ But I pretty much write either sitting on my couch, or at the table in the sunroom… Oh, or at one of the picnic tables at work. Pretty much nature is my preferred surrounding.

New music experiences

(I was debating on making this a FB post or a blog post, and had ultimately decided on an abbreviated FB post. Buuuuuut then FB ate my post. So, here I am.)..

Recently, I’ve been listening to some new music. Well, new to me. I’ve been a rock/metal fan for years, though the last few years have seen me shift towards exploring electronic music, like electronic rock, dubstep, DnB, synthwave, ambient synth, etc. But while all of the above is still interesting and I do enjoy it, it hasn’t been catching my ear as much as it used to. What has been? To give the short answer: folk music.

It all started, oh about a year or so ago now. And it’s a relatively meandering path, so bear with me.

I’d say what really set me down this rabbit hole was discovering the band Kaleo. My coworker sent me a link to their official music video for their song Way Down We Go¬†(in a volcano!) And, just, love. It took only a few short minutes, but I decided this was an AWESOME band. I listened to their album A/B repeatedly. My favorite song, hands down, is¬†Vor √≠ Vaglask√≥gi¬†even though I can’t understand a damn word of it.

Somewhere around this time, I also discovered Hozier, specifically the songs¬†Take Me To Church¬†and a bit later¬†Angel of Small Death & the Codeine Scene. Previously, I’d also fallen in love with The Glorious Sons’s song¬†Sometimes on a Sunday, so I was just starting to touch on folksy / bluesy side of indie rock, and discovering there was some really cool music!

In the autumn, I had discovered Bon Iver, and this led me to investigating some Celtic folk music. I started with some Gaelic Storm (you know, the guys who did the music that Jack & Rose dance to in the movie¬†Titanic.) I ultimately discovered Scottish tribal music, which lead to listening to a LOT of Albannach. I really enjoy the instrumentals, the pipe and drum. There’s something primal about it. Seriously, I dare you to listen to listen to¬†Unleash the Albannach¬†and tell me it doesn’t get the blood flowing.

Then, in the winter, I finally heard Mumford & Sons. I mean, REALLY heard them. I knew the band name, and had pointedly avoided them for rather silly reasons, but I heard their song Babel on the radio on a drive in to work and knew I had to hear more. The entire album is great, I have a post on here somewhere about it.

So I finally had to admit to myself that there really was something to folk music, and that I should explore it a bit more. One problem: That covers a ridiculously huge amount of music. Much like rock has about a gazillion genres that fall under it, folk has all kinds of different sounds to experience.

Within the past few months, I discovered there’s this… thing… called southern gothic. I guess you could call it a style. Not specifically related to music, Wikipedia gives us this definition: “Southern Gothic particularly focuses on the South’s history of slavery, a “fixation with the grotesque, and a tension between realistic and supernatural elements”. Similar to the elements of the Gothic castle, Southern Gothic gives us the decay of the plantation in the post-Civil War South.” But specifically on music, Wikipedia says, “Southern Gothic (also known as Gothic Americana, or Dark Country) is a genre of music characterized by a fusion of alternative rock and classic country/folk.” [An interesting aside, I colorize this style with lots of earth tones and blacks, which is subconsciously how my dress has been tending.]

I’ve been spending a lot of time on Spotify listening to various southern gothic playlists. And I am in love with so much of it. Some of the artists are: Kaleo, Hozier, The Builders & the Butchers, Nina Simone, Johnny Cash, July Talk, Leonard Cohen, and Blues Saraceno.

Being the nerd that I am, I’ve spent some time trying to put specific names to the music that I like, but like always, I’m finding it a bit difficult. And, like always, there are things in one “box” that I like but things that I don’t like in the same box.

I’ve had this same struggle so many times in the past five or so years, when I’ve really tried to expand my musical knowledge and listening. It started in earnest a couple years ago when I first discovered the German group Seeed. When I found they were technically a reggae group, despite¬†Augenbling¬†(the first song I heard by them) not being remotely close to what I would consider reggae, I realized I had to throw my pre-assumptions out the window. I did some research on reggae, and found that it, like my more familiar metal genre, is riddled with subgenres and styles, and songs that cross over between them. Fun fact, ska punk came from a blending of ska (part of where reggae originated) and punk rock. Reggae styles including dancehall, dub, hip hop, and it’s own drum and bass, and has origins in jazz, mento, ska, rocksteady, R&B, and soul.

So recently, I in turn performed this same research on folk music. Folk music, at it’s base, is simply traditional music that is passed down orally, played on readily available acoustic instruments. An easy couple of examples of this are songs like¬†When Johnny Comes Marching Home or the Irish¬†Lannigan’s Ball. It’s hard to pin point who the original composers were, often because the same melody has multiple lyrics written for it, and because they have existed for decades in some form. I guess the proper term for what we listen to now is folk revival, but to me that seems like splitting hairs. But what we really have now are styles like bluegrass, Americana, southern gothic, Appalachian, Western, country, and Cajun.

After all this research a new, shiny knowledge, where does this leave me? Can I finally put a name on what I like?

Sorry to disappoint you, but the answer is a resounding “no.”

The plain and simple truth is that I like what I like. Doesn’t matter if it fits into box A, B, or C, or says fuck the boxes and has hints of all three. I will forever have an eclectic taste in music, and simply listen to whatever fits my mood, to hell with labels.

But this brings me back to a recurring question: Why do people continue to limit themselves to only the old, familiar stuff and are hesitant to give anything different a chance? Why write off an entire catalog of music, including dozens if not hundreds of artists, because you had one or a few bad experiences? And this isn’t even considering all the stuff that toes the line, pushes boundaries, and experiments with unfamiliar mixing of sounds.

Sure, you’re always going to have your fallbacks and favorites, we all do. But I find that I enjoy new discoveries, and don’t understand when other people don’t seem to.

Star Wars Day, love it or hate it?

Yesterday was May the Fourth, or Star Wars Day (you know, May the Fourth be with you!) As a nerd, I have known about this day for years, and have seen it increase in popularity within the past few years. Which is great! More people embracing their inner-nerd is always a good thing in my book.

On my way to and from work, sometimes I listen to the radio, sometimes I listen to my own music. Yesterday was a radio day on my way home, for whatever reason. The afternoon show host was talking about Star Wars Day, and how he wasn’t a fan of the movies, so he didn’t really get the whole big holiday thing. He said, ok, you like something, that’s fine, just don’t wave it in my face and shove it down my throat, ’cause I don’t really care!

And I had this moment of clarity.

That this is EXACTLY how I feel at Christmas.

I am an atheist. I am not a Christian. I am not going to tell you not to celebrate Christmas. But don’t be offended when I don’t care and don’t place the same value on it that you do.

If you get to not care about a nerd holiday, I get to not care about a religious holiday. That seems fair, right?

Music & tradition

Some of the things I’ve been thinking about the past few days, and have unloaded here, have gotten me thinking about this other idea I had about a year ago. And I’d like to see if I can make some sense out of this, if these two are related, or if I’m just grasping at straws (strings?) here.

One of the points of disagreement lately has been about the importance of traditions. A bit of history about me: I grew up in a household that didn’t have terribly many traditions. We celebrated all the major holidays, but a “light” version of celebration. Usually that entailed going over to visit a set of grandparents (only the one set, as I got older, since my maternal grandparents died when I was 6). Easter we had a little egg hunt, July 4th we would go watch fireworks, Thanksgiving we had turkey, and Christmas we did presents. But that was really it. And the family that was present was myself, my father, his parents, my aunt, my uncle (once he came into the picture, I was 12 or so), my 2 younger cousins, and my older cousin and her longtime boyfriend (they were together for 6 or 8 years before they got married). So 10 people at most. None of this aunts and uncles and cousins for days business. None of the visiting more than one house per day.

As I got older, the desire to see specific family members waned, but it was always outweighed by the desire to see other family members, plus the fact that my father said that it was important. They all lived about an hour away, so it’s not like we saw each other all the time. He made it a point that we go visit his parents once a month(ish). I know I didn’t talk to them much outside of those visits, and I don’t think he did either. So I see the importance of staying in touch and catching up. Keep in mind, this was also mostly pre-cell phones and at the beginnings of the internet. And my grandparents lived in a rural town and didn’t even have cable, let alone a computer. They didn’t really keep up with technology. (No fault here, just a fact.)

I guess part of the reason I don’t see a ton of importance in us now spending holidays together with H’s (husband’s) parents is that we see them and talk to them way more frequently than I ever did my grandparents. So the primary reason for my “family get-togethers” growing up being catching up doesn’t really apply here. We aren’t so out of touch that it’s necessary. It’s not that I don’t want to see them, it’s that I don’t feel I NEED to see them.

And this I think is the root of the problem. M (mother-in-law) at least DOES feel that need to actually see us. She doesn’t believe phone calls, texting, and fb is a substitute. I realize that none of that is the same, and I’m not saying it is, but for me, it’s enough. It helps fill the gaps and makes me at least feel connected enough that I’m not completely out of touch.

Now, how does music fit in with all this?

About a year ago, I put up a rather rambly fb status that ended with the following idea:

“All of this culminates into: I don’t understand why I don’t seem more people rockin out to their tunes in the gym, in the car, walking down the sidewalk, wherever. It’s all earbuds-in-straight-face-focused. Are people just doing it internally, or do the vast majority just have ‘buds in to help tune out the world?”

M replied to my post, and one of her points was:

“3: (now don’t get your panties in a wad) Today’s music, while is okay, for some reason doesn’t have meaning. By this I refer to the fact that the lyrics don’t grab your attention by referencing to the things that happen in life (unless your listen to some rap music) or the beat in the music doesn’t keep your attention. I have tried to listen and hear what today’s music has to offer and find very few artists capture my attention with their songs”

I of course had to respond to this specifically, because this is a point that really bugs me. There is SO MUCH music out there. With the internet and services like YouTube, Bandcamp, Soundcloud, and others, it is easier than ever for amateur musicians to get their stuff out there. And we’re getting to a point now where it’s not that we’re making new genres of music, but people are combining them to make amazing sounds. There is all kinds of talent out there if you just look for it. In fact, there are plenty of artists covering older music, or doing a “revival” of older styles/sounds.

I don’t understand being stuck with the same old music, and only listening to that stuff over and over again. Heck, there’s music I listened to 10 or 15 years ago that yeah, it’s still good music, but I don’t have a desire to listen to it all the time. I love finding new stuff. Heck, it was one of H’s friends who gave me some dubstep artists to listen to that eventually lead me to my current favorite musicians (Celldweller & Blue Stahli). There are some songs I will always love. But if I try to listen to a whole album, I’ll get bored partway through. Not because I don’t like the music, but because I’ve heard it a zillion times before.

So how are these connected?

It goes back to the concept of being stuck in time. This inability to see that what currently exists may actually be better than what was.

Once again… Grace Hopper: “Humans are allergic to change. They love to say, “We’ve always done it this way.” I try to fight that. That’s why I have a clock on my wall that runs counter-clockwise.”

Traditions are for those stuck in the past and can’t deal with change.

A couple days ago, my father-in-law came over, we’ll call him F, to sit and chat with husband, H. At some point in time, F brings up the fact that mother-in-law, M, is hopping mad at H. H asks why? And this leads us down a rabbit-hole-discussion of disaster. F brings up a couple points I see as valid, a couple that I do not.

One of the things I see as not valid, is that M is mad that *we* are not having Easter dinner at *our* house this year. So, first off, we don’t have holidays at our house. M is the hostess-extraordinaire. She loves throwing parties and having people over. By default, we assume that all holiday meals will be at their house. Secondly, part of the reason I said no what I was either misinformed, misunderstood, or H was misinformed about the reasons why M wanted us to host dinner. What H repeated to me made it seem like F & M were not getting along well with one of their mutual friends, who is always invited over for holidays, and wanted an excuse to not invite mutual friend over. I said, that’s dumb, why would *we* not invite mutual friend over as well? I dunno what’s going on with them, but I’m not going to help them play some petty / passive-aggressive game. Fuck that. However, it seems that maybe the reason is that they’re having various parts of the house painted, so things are all in confusion, and cooking in their kitchen is not possible. Ok… well… if I’d know THAT a week ago, I might’ve said “yeah sure whatever we can have dinner here.”

This lead into a discussion about “traditions” and F asking why H & I don’t seem to care about them. So H went on to explain that their traditions are not things that are particularly enjoyable for either of us. I don’t HATE them, don’t get me wrong. I do like the idea of getting together on holidays, but it doesn’t need to be this long, involved, all-day thing. But his point is more… It’s a day like any other day, to us. Most holidays are religious, so for both of us, there’s no meaning to them. Easter Sunday = Zombie Jesus Day. Christmas = Saturnalia. Thanksgiving = Try Not To Burn The House Down Day. We’re both atheists, so literally any religious holiday I couldn’t care less about, other than hey it’s a free day off of work!

So then F goes on to say that it isn’t so much about the holiday itself, but rather about the sense of family, community, and belonging that is associated with holidays. Ok, maybe some people are ok with pretending to like family members on special occasions because it is “expected” of them, but that shit doesn’t fly for me. Especially not when others don’t even make an attempt to engage me in conversation, leading me to believe that they wouldn’t even notice if I wasn’t there. That’s not community, that’s not belonging. That’s tolerating other people because it is the socially accepted thing to do, and how DARE you break that boundary. So again, fuck that shit. I’m not going to tolerate shitty people because “society” thinks I should. I’m not going to put my own mental health in danger and stress myself out by being in a situation that I don’t like simply to please somebody whose opinion I don’t care about anyway.

And unfortunately, it took me so long to write this on Saturday, that it extended into Sunday and now I have a sort of off-shoot of this conversation to dwell on. M decided to take to fb to rant about our opinions on holidays and “family time”. You know, without mentioning any names, being totally passive-aggressive about it. Yeah, I get it, this post in ¬†and of itself is a bit passive-aggressive, but look, my therapy appointment isn’t until Thursday and I gotta figure out how to not be pissed off for the rest of the week. Anyway. So up goes this post complaining about how “younger folks” don’t seem to value “family time” anymore and how “did we lose the importance of just being together on a special day?” Oh, and let’s not forget the complaint about how communication just SHOULDN’T be done by text message, but someone else never calls either, and that “family time” should be spent “catching up”, but then when we finally all get together, as soon as there is 2 seconds of silence, somebody has to pipe in with a sarcastic “woo hoo the excitement!”

So let’s go in order.

  1. Younger folks –¬†Frikkin’ ageism pisses me off to no end.
  2. Family time – I try to reach out to you, you don’t ever seem to want to get back in touch with me. I dunno what you want.
  3. Special day – It’s Easter. That’s a dumb religious holiday. I’m not religious, therefore it is not special. So we get together the day before, or next weekend. It’s not like we NEVER see you. So, what’s the big deal?
  4. Texting – Half the time when I call, you either don’t answer the phone, or are running errands and can’t take time out to talk. So, I text, because I know you’ll read it and get back to me at your convenience. But, if I ask you to call me, and then you don’t, well…
  5. Catching up – Since we live in a very connected time with social media and cell phones, catching up isn’t quite what it used to be. And, you all are much chattier than my family ever was, so it’s not like there’s tons of stuff that happens in the few days we don’t talk, versus a whole month that it would be when I was growing up.
  6. Woo hoo, excitement! – Look, you bitch we never talk or get together, and then when we DO finally get together and there’s a lull in the conversation, you try to get a jab in that we aren’t interesting enough for you? The fuck??

 

I don’t get it. ALL OF THIS ASIDE. I tried to be above this, and I sent a “happy easter” text message (despite this going against the verboten texting clause) because I knew she was going to be at the buffet / casino, and probably wouldn’t hear her phone. I also included a “hey let’s all try to get together for dinner next weekend” because ok, she wants to spend time together, let’s try to spend time together.

And I get nothing.

Not a word.

Not even an acknowledgement when they stopped in for a few minutes to say hi that she received my text.

How. How do I deal with someone that states, to others, that she wants a relationship with me, but whenever I try, I get nothing. And when I don’t try, I get passive-aggressive shit on fb. (Or, she complains to other people like H or F, and then I sometimes hear about that.)

I’m not sorry I’m not some little cookie cutter individual that conforms to whatever your twisted ideal of a daughter is. I’m not sorry for who I am, what I say, or what I believe (or don’t believe). I’m not sorry I’m not stuck in the past, upholding traditions simply for the sake of “we’ve always done it this way.”

I REFUSE to feel bad about how I feel.

Political self-characterization

I have a fair percentage of in-laws or friends of in-laws that would classify themselves as conservatives or republicans. Or if not outright either of those choices, definitely NOT a liberal. As a result, I end up seeing a healthy dose of some of the crazy shit these people believe over on phaseborg. 

Without exception, these people are clear & proud supporters of 45. Most have extreme dislike for 44. 

Here’s what I don’t get about these people.

Avid supporters of 45. Believe that O was too harsh on businesses, and can’t wait for some of his (or not his, they aren’t really good at knowing who did what) regulations to get repealed. Regulations that were put in place to protect workers. Let me repeat that, because it’s important. Regulations put in place to protect the workers. 

And yet, despite apparently desiring less protection for workers, one loses their job with no real reason given, but works in an at-will state, so no real reason needs to be given, and goes on a tear about how dare companies not treat their employees with respect, and why isn’t there loyalty anymore, and employees are just trying to do what’s best for the company even if it costs them more money.

I just want to reach out and say, do you realize how incompatible and inconsistent your views are? You can’t say, let businesses have more freedom in one breath, and then condemn them for having too much freedom in the next. That doesn’t work. And honestly makes you look like a bit of an idiot.

I’m a slacker and everyone is annoying…

Such is life, lately. I read something and was inspired to write my own “response”, not really a response but more like my take on an issue. But then I got halfway through my post and thought that maybe said person wouldn’t appreciate a response, even if it’s not directed AT them (had a similar problem before, upset an internet-friend.. and now I go back and forth on whether or not apologizing was the right thing to do… BUT I DIGRESS). So I saved it as a draft, so it exists on here somewhere, but I’m not sure where, and I’m not sure I want to finish it.

So here I am. I’m struggling a bit lately dealing with people in general. A couple of my coworkers are particularly annoying, and I’m not sure why. I don’t THINK they’re doing anything different than they normally do, and I do normally find them a bit irritating, but they’re running dangerously close into the stabbity realm. Similar stuff with fb friends. For the most part, I can usually just zoom by things and not give them a second thought, but some posts are getting under my skin more than usual.

I guess it boils down to that I am seeing people as much whinier than I normally do. Like, I just want to tell them all to shut the fuck up. Don’t like [x]? Don’t [verb] it. If [x] is a person, ignore said person, don’t yammer on about how much you don’t like [x]. If [x] is a food, don’t eat it, don’t tell me why it’s awful.

This is going to sound kind of doofy, but I feel like there is a lot of negative energy happening around me. Like I said before, I don’t really know why. I don’t know if it’s me, and/or my perspective, or if it is everybody else. I mean, Occam’s Razor dictates that it’s me, I get that. I just like to overanalyze things and think of the 87 billion different possibilities.

I would like to note that I’ve basically spent the past 3 days without social media as well as the normal, everyday interactions of my coworkers. So maybe I’m just hypersensitive to things now. If that’s the case… do I WANT to be dulled? Is that better for my interactions with people?

Or, as Fats from JK Rowling’s The Casual Vacancy might ask, is it more authentic to not be numbed?